28 November 2006

Idol Idol Everywhere

Hear this and take it to heart : There is only one Kelly Clarkson. She is the all-powerful Idol, and no others shall ever topple her.

Just below her, serving as her Chief Minister of Idoldom, sits Carrie Underwood, who deserves grudging respect for her utter dominance of the country music scene this year. Two number one singles and a major award from her field make for solid accomplishments.

And off to the side is Kelly's country cousin, Fantasia. She kind of embarassed the royal family with her Lifetime movie, but she still gets to come to Thanksgiving because her new single "Hood Boy" is pretty slammin' and "Baby Mama" is one of the best guilty pleasure songs of the decade.

Otherwise, though, Idoldom is just a field of vassals, each more disposable than the last.

Yet these vassals just keep buzzing around! A few weeks ago, it was Kellie Pickler--the poor man's Carrie Underwood... which is saying something, since Underwood came from a town called Chocktoo or something--debuting in the top ten with her off-key singing. And now it's Chris Daughtry, whose album is sitting at number one on the iTunes chart as I type this.

But, you guys? He's no longer Chris Daughtry. Now he's just Daughtry. As in, he's formed a band and named it after himself, like Bon Jovi or Van Halen. See how tough (and chunky) he seems in this picture? I mean, yes, he's a good singer for the type of music he's making, but overblown, inoffensive power rock just isn't my thing. If his album succeeds, I'll grant Chris a dukedom, but he will not be king.

Meanwhile, on December 12 Taylor Hicks unleashes his no-doubt monstrous album on the world (which is also the day Fantasia's second album drops).

Then I'll have to cross my fingers for December 19, when Katharine McPhee tries to climb up there next to Carrie Underwood. (But let's be real. Katharine's headed for a replacement role in a long-running Broadway show faster than you can forget Tamyra Gray.)

Really, I'm waiting for Kelly to come along and destroy all these fools. Or forJennifer Hudson to saunter up to the Oscar podium for "Dreamgirls" and become Kelly's ambassador to movie town.

p.s. -- Please don't think that I'm hating on all the Idol guys and loving only the women simply because of their genders. I think Mario Vazquez is pretty great, but he's not really famous enough to be part of the Idol court. No doubt most of the people from season 5 will be forgotten once season 6 begins, so maybe I won't have to think about Daughtry and Pickler ever again. Or maybe I'm kidding myself.

p.s.-- Those who love horror stories should go read this description of Kellie Pickler's potential sitcom. (Third paragraph down)



At 12:20 PM, Anonymous Jenni said...

so i was thinking about this last night and developed a theory:

i believe one of the reasons Kelly (besides being a.m.a.z.i.n.g.) is rocking so hard and the other idols aren't is due to one phenomenon: the season 2 controversy between Reuben and Clay.

besides being total douchebags, selon moi, they stole the Idol momentum. i, personally, haven't watched the show since.

i like Carrie Underwood, but she ain't no K.C.


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