Lean Closer, Pilgrim! The Charts Whisper Secrets!
Yesterday, I entered my mid-late-twenties. Which means I turned 28. Which means I will never again be interested in MTV's programming. (But, really, that particular prophesy came true when I was still in college.)
Sadly, Beyonce's "Irreplaceable" went to number one on the Billboard Hot 100 chart dated December 16, meaning it was not one of my Extra Special Birthday Hits.
And what's an Extra Special Birthday Hit?
It's a song that ascends to the number one slot on your actual birthday date. You see, every Hot 100 is dated to correspond with the Saturday of the week in which it's published. So even though "Irreplaceable" is number one for this entire week, it will be recorded as a hit that peaked on December 16. Clear?
If that doesn't make sense... well... I admit that the whole thing is a bit arbitrary. But it's still fun. I like to believe that you can learn something about yourself based both on the song that was number one the day you were born and the songs that topped the chart on your actual birthday date. I call it chartology.
For instance, I am in a unique chart-ological position. I was born on December 9, 1978. That's the EXACT day that Chic's "Le Freak" became a number one song. The very day! That means I am forever and inextricably linked to "Le Freak." What does it mean?
Well, Nile Rodgers, who was the driving force of Chic, went on to write and produce the 80s-defining hit "Like a Virgin." Perhaps I, after experiencing some kind of success of my own, will also be responsible for shepherding the career of a protege. Also, Rodgers has said that "Le Freak" was written as a kiss-off to the snooty bouncers at legendary club Studio 54, who wouldn't let Chic past the velvet rope. How ironic, then, that "Le Freak" became the best-selling single of the 1970s. Maybe I will have similar success in the face of adversity.
See where I'm going with this?
There are two other songs that first hit number one on December 9: Helen Reddy's "I Am Woman" and Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire." I'm not quite sure I've gained the wisdom to know what that means, but I'm sure it means something. The charts are mysterious in their revelations.
As another example, the number one song when Andrew was born was Chuck Berry's "My Ding-A-Ling." Which is awesome. But I will not use a family-friendly blog to pontificate further on why that is so. His two Extra Special Birthday Hits are "Then Came You" by Dionne Warwicke and The Spinners and "Saving All My Love For You" by Whitney Houston. Both started their runs at #1 on October 26.
First of all, Then Came Who? Does anyone remember that song? Interestingly, though, for the brief moment in which "Then Came You" was popular, Warwick was spelling her last name with an extra "e." Which suggests that Andrew is mutable. He will never be stuck in a rut, and he will always surprise us with his personal growth. And the Whitney connection? Obviously, Andrew is either going to become addicted to crack or emerge as a defining diva of his generation. I'll keep you posted.
So tell me... what are your birthdays? Just post them in the comments, and I'll give you a chart-ological reading. Don't delay. Secrets of the universe await you.